Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Life of Uncertainty

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.” - Helen Keller

Ever since I have laid eyes on this quote, I have loved it. I am a fairly pragmatical-not-spontaneous person. I like to have all the facts and everything make sense. I want adventure, but I generally wait for it to find me opposed to me seeking it. At least, this is the way that I view myself. The above quote by Helen Keller kicks me in the butt every time I read it. I create security in my life and I put up barriers to protect myself from things that I fear.

Fear is a constant struggle in my life. I cannot seem to escape it. My mind is continually assailed with the ‘what if’ sequence that is very common in today’s society. I picture the worst and that sends me packing my bags so that I can return to the safe comfort of my own childhood home. Yet, I am not a child anymore. To run and hide from my fears will not make them lessen. In fact, those fears will grow and over take my life. We cannot have that.

Therefore, I trust. Actually, I try to trust. I am incredibly terrible at trusting. In fact, I fail at it daily. Don’t you dare think that I’m exaggerating. I have to trust that God knows what is best in my life. Yes, the “GOD” factor is extremely imperative and crucial in my life. Even though, this is God we are talking about I have a difficult time trusting Him. Yes, trusting God. Don’t judge me! What if He is God? Yeah, so I still have a hard time trusting Him. Well, I have found another area in my life where I can trust God.

Ready? I applied and was accepted to The Experience with the Kingdom Building Ministries ( This is a 50 day intensive program. If the word ‘intense’ doesn’t scare me enough, the cost and rules do. I am certain that God has led me to this program. Yet, I am lacking a nice five grand. This is where the trusting enters in on a very grand scale. Like any normal college student, I do not have any extra money lying around and summer is for making money. I’m spending seven weeks of the summer paying rather than being paid. Can you hear the panic slowly creeping into my type? If you don’t, let me assure you that it is there.

The Experience is an excellent opportunity because it is a ministry. I wanted something for the summer that included ministry and working with people. I wanted to be able to use my limited but growing Spanish skills somewhere. I was looking for a program that would allow me to be at home for a portion of the summer so that I could see my family. Ultimately, I want to grow more in my relationship with my Heavenly Lover of my soul. This program covers all of that. We shall even be going back to my second home of Jarabocoa in the Dominican Republic. I never thought I would go back to the Dominican Republic. I was wrong. I also did not think that I would “settle” for a ministry option that did not pay. Yet, I do not find this to be settling. God has a lot to teach me this summer. I am eager to see what it is and a little bit frightened.

I am holding tightly to that quote by Helen Keller. Life is uncertain. This is good. If life was certain, where would the excitement be? There would be no need for a Celestial advisor. As long as I have my Advisor, I shall take on this world of uncertainty.