Thursday, June 3, 2010

abide, love, passion

Words mean a lot to me. They must if I have devoted so much of my time to this blog. They must if people know that if they want me to gather my thoughts they must give me time to write. Words. Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no' be 'no'. When I say something, I want to mean it. I exercise restraint over my words.

Tonight, I uttered a few words that practically tore my heart out. They require that I stand by them. Although these words were only hesitatingly said in the quiet of a classroom and they could be easily forgotten. I cannot forget them. They rang out with sincerity and I knew that God had heard me.

"I love Jesus. And I want to be passionate about Him."

Passion means 'to suffer'.

I don't know about you, but I'm not keen on suffering. Actually, I am far from intrigued. I'm one of those safe Christians who'd sadly prefer to live in quiet anonymity.

There was extreme pressure to say those words and I cringe at peer pressure. Everyone else in the room had uttered those words. I refused. The stubbornness within me screamed 'no' and the vanity inside me said I could just say this to Jesus. I knew to say it outloud would seal those words into a forever-promise with Jesus. Those words escaped my lips begrudgingly. I felt the magnitude of those words. They are a turning point.

Although everything around me shall be the same, I am not. I have shared this experience with you, my faithful readers, because it is the call on my life to abide in Him, to love like Him, and to be passionate for Him.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of high-fahlootin essays about spiritual amazingness. I want to assure you that I'm not of that and this is all God. I don't want to change and I don't want to be called to suffer. I did want to share this moment with you where I was brought to a turning point. Also, by declaring it here, I am placing myself into an accountability with you. I am publicly stating that I am His and I want to live passionately for Him (even if that does require suffering and pain).