Ode to the Male Species

I like men, I'll admit. They've got some pretty cool things going for them. Here's a list that I've compiled in honor of some men in my life.

1. Muscles – They’re nice to look at, but I can appreciate them so much better when they’re in action (I like them more when they’re helping me).

2. A Strong chin – We can only really enjoy this if you actually take the time to shave.

3. Chivalry – I can get the door myself; yet, it’s so much better if you make a point to get it even before I’ve considered the fact that I need to go through that door. This goes for other things, too (“Let me take those heavy bags for you. Oh, they’re not heavy? Let me take them anyway.”)

4. “Wait, that’s your sister?! (you treat her so well that I know that you’d treat your girlfriend even better. Sign me up!)”

5. Intentionality – Choose one girl and pursue her. Don’t go playing with every available heart. Nothing burns like the anger of a woman (or many women).

6. A Man who cries – You get more man points for this because we don’t doubt your manhood. In my mind, you're identity as a man is sealed because I appreciate a man who can be real.

7. Cleanliness – I love a man who takes care of himself. It shows someone who’s serious about all realms of life. Also, the smell of such a man is real nice. I’ll stand near to him.

A Woman's Mind

A woman’s mind has been described as a big mess of spaghetti. Issues spill into other seemingly separate problems. The wonder of this type of thinking is that women have the ability to see similarities in situations that seem entirely different. Women are relational creatures and this pasta type thinking creates connection between people. A woman’s mind is a wonder in its ability to connect everything. However, it can create some amusing problems.

"A woman's strength is the intuitive grasp of the living concrete; especially of the personal element. She has the special gift of making herself at home in the inner world of others."
~ "Heroines" by Mary Riso

Women are known for being home-makers in the sense that they take care of house and clean house. However, young girls are already perfecting the art of relationship and understanding the inner worlds of others. While men are more action focused, women would prefer to sit down, chatter, and listen to the thoughts of the people around them. Obviously, men and women are incomparable. Yet, out of the human race, they are the only things to compare sometimes. Anyways, a most important strength of the female mind is the fact that women desire to create an inner home within themselves and others rather than just a physical home.

Largely, women are stereotyped as shallow, illogical, flirtatious sprites. If a man or even woman desires to make fun of the female gender, this stereotype raises its impish head. Suddenly, blonde jokes are being cracked and silly impersonations are being enacted. Silly women are definitely a reality. Of course, women also often fall under the category of pragmatic. These women are more recognized as the mothers and wives that keep households and businesses together with their quick and logical thinking. Honestly, people have many facets. They may be thought of in one particular aspect, but they generally have another side that is stereotype-blowing.

Sometimes this spaghetti noodle mindset of women creates problems such as over-analyzing and over-thinking things that really have no significance. However, these small instances that occur in a female’s life can be connected to other issues. For example, a man could say, “hello.” To the man, it was a simple greeting. To the girl, it can be analyzed a million different ways –the most extreme being that the man has just declared his undying love for her in the simplistic word of ‘hello.’ It seems ridiculous. It is ridiculous.

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen

I would love to joke about the absurdity of this quote. I mean it is seemingly silly. However, as I get older, I believe in the truth of this statement. From what I have seen (and dare I admit it – experienced), women do have rapid imaginations. Of course, these imaginations tend to create an emotional connection. Everything is connected in a woman’s mind and every little aspect has some sort of emotional consequence.

We girls misunderstand a lot of things that go on around us because we over-simplify or over-exaggerate the meaning of conversations or teasing. Having a younger brother, he and I tend to tease and annoy each other purposefully. Of course, we are siblings so as a girl I know his only purpose is to lovingly bother me. However, confusion comes about when girls and boys who are not siblings interact. To a boy, he may only be teasing a girl in a brotherly way. In the girl’s eyes, she sees this kind of behavior as flirting. Somewhere the message is getting confused. It’s a grand mess.

Rapid imagination feeds emotional trauma. In only moments, a hapless female can within the realm of her own mind connect herself with golden threads of dreaming and wishings to some oblivious male. In extreme cases (because I have never actually heard of this or seen it), it might only take crossing paths with this male on a public sidewalk to feed this imagined connection. In her mind, the girl details a million different scenarios of meetings and clandestine whisperings. The girl’s heart flutters over this imagined love. It becomes almost a reality in her mind.

Her fantastic imagined reality becomes obsolete upon the knowledge that this dream man is in a relationship. Crushed, she turns to chocolates and romantic films with sappy endings. This girl wonders where her sappy ever after is. The girl has emotionally traumatized herself because she has secretly connected herself to a man who is totally oblivious possibly even to the girl’s existence. If she stopped falling in love with figments of her imagination, friendships - at the very least - might be a possibility.

“Women are considered deep - why? Because one can never discover any bottom to them. Women are not even shallow.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Society has pegged many women as shallow. Yet, this shallowness generally covers up a complex story that may explain the woman’s wall of shallow behavior. For example, my roommate has an uncanny way of always getting to the bottom of my inexplicable behavior. I often believe that I do different things just because I do. However, my roommate continually frustrates that belief with a single question of “why.” Even if I haven’t admitted to myself that I have a particular motivation for something, I almost always do. This complexity of reasoning even confuses me since I don’t always understand why I do the things that I do.

On the other hand, a woman’s mind even in its complexity and confusion has a depth that cannot be fathomed or understood. Even to a female, her mind is a confusing and sometimes frustrating place. However, women are loyal to a fault. With tenacity unknown to man, women will cling to their dysfunctional and broken families. These are the things that make her who she is. Attack one that a woman cares for and be prepared for a terrible defensive onslaught. Women will fiercely protect those they love even if this protection does not make sense.

Disclaimer: I may be a woman, but I am still learning about the way that women think. Please feel free to share your opinions about this or go on appropriate tangents related to this particular subject.

We Get On

Allow this to be a sneak peak of a blogpost that is in the process of being written. It explores some aspects of the way that women think. For now, chuckle over these lyrics and even the possibly the video.

"We Get On" by Kate Nash

Simply knowing you exist
Ain't good enough for me
But asking for your telephone number
Seems highly inappropriate

Seeing as I can't
Even say hi
When you walk by

And that time you shook my hand
It felt so nice
I swear I never felt
This way about any other guy
And I don't usually notice people's eyes but

I conducted a plan
To bump into you most accidentally
But I was walking along
And I bumped into you much more heavily
Than I'd originally planned
It was well embarrassing and
I think you thought that I was a bit of a twat

I just think that we get on
I wish I could tell you face to face
Instead of singing this stupid song
But yeah I just think that we might get on

So I went to that party and everyone
They were kind of arty
And I was wearing this dress
Because I wanted to impress
But I wasn't sure if I looked my best
'Cause I was so nervous
But I carried on regardless
Strutting through each room
Trying to find you

And when I saw you
Kissing that girl
My heart it shattered
And my eyes, they watered
And when I tried to speak I stuttered

And my friends were like whatever
You'll find someone better
His eyes were way too close together
And we never even liked him from the start
And now he's with that tart
And I heard she done some really nasty stuff
Down in the park with Michael
He said she's easy
And if your guy's with someone that's sleazy
Then he ain't worth your time
'Cause you deserve a real nice guy

So I proceeded to get drunk and cry
And lock myself in the toilets
For the entire night

Saturday night
I watched channel five
I particularly liked CSI

I don't ever dream
About you and me
I don't ever make up stuff about us
That would be classed as insanity
I don't ever drive by your house to see if you're in
I don't even have an opinion
On that tramp that you're still seeing
I don't know your timetable
I don't know your face off by heart
But I must admit
That there is still a part of me
That thinks we might get on
That we could get on
That we should get on

What is a real man?

Lately, a question has plagued me like no other question. It has settled in the depths of my stomach and has festered there. This pestering thought was actually stimulated by a conversation with a friend. However, it has been a couple of weeks since that initial conversation and my thoughts have fermented into, hopefully, a wise wine. This question was first asked to a group of us across the meal table. What makes a real man?

I was deeply disappointed in our ability to answer that question. The general consensus was simply "I don't know." Disappointment occasionally motivates me and so I began to think. I realized that there were many questions connected to that single question. What makes a real man? As a woman, how can I inspire men around me to be the best man that they can be? What characteristics are needed here? Is there actually a recipe to this question?

First of all, no man is equal. Therefore, each man has his own unique 'real man' qualities to discover and strengthen. However, that does not mean a man cannot learn patience if patience is not already his gift. We must realize if one were to try to name all the characteristics a man "should have," one would discover that they had just described God. Also, it's doubtful that a woman could inspire a man to true masculinity on her own. Sex might be inspiring, but it wouldn't inspire a true masculinity just a carnal response. It's easy to live a good life, but to live an inspirational life can only be acquired with the aid of Jesus.

Finally, during the length of a conversation with another friend, we talked about this 'real man' question. We came to a conclusion. Each of us already had men that we respected so we looked at them and asked, "why do we respect them?" Suddenly, the answer to this mind-boggling question seemed to be in grasp. There is no cookie cutter recipe for a real man. However, on the basis of this realization, a 'real' man is a reality. Namely, a real man is someone that can be respected in all areas of his life and lives above reproach.

Also, in my search for what a real man is, I googled the question like any true person of my generation would. I was both impressed and disappointed with what I found. What is a real man? Ten traits were listed. I would now like to take the liberty to add a bit of thought to these ten.

Trait #1 says, "A real man is strong." There is nothing wrong with this statement. And yet, I disagree with the print that backs up this phrase. Largely, I disagree with the statement, "A real man doesn't cry." Allow me to say that from a woman's perspective, I believe the biggest sign of strength is a man who can and does cry. This shows me that he is secure in who he is and is not afraid to show his true emotion. As this quote aptly states, "There is nothing so strong as gentleness, and nothing so gentle as real strength." Vulnerability is strength.

I would also like to respond to Trait #2 which states, "A real man is focused." Recently, I have noticed that a lot of men have no idea what they want in life. Not only are they confused, but they confuse those around them - namely, girls. Like butterflies, these men flit about from girl to girl. This is entirely unattractive unless the man actually embodies this insect. Yes, there are many beautiful flowers - I mean - girls in the world. However, why don't you save yourself and those gazillion girls from heartache by finding focus? If you don't know what you want, wait. You will surely figure it out.

"A real man can defend himself." aka Trait #10. I cannot agree more thoroughly with this one. I see plenty of potential leaders in the men about me. However, I don't see many who are willing to buck up and to take on a challenge. Hey, mistakes are scary. Yet, they are so very worth it. Those who are willing to fall on their faces a couple of times are so much more worthy of admiration especially when success comes because it will. So in the words of Mrs. Frizzle, "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!" Also, a real man not only defends himself but he defends others. The latter part of that statement actually may be more important than the former so take note. Defend others, men.

It's time. It's time for men to rise up. We have all grown weary of these poor examples of masculinity. Men being emasculated and women losing belief that real men do exist in the world is a sad reality. This is a reality that must be discarded. "Real" men do exist in the world. I have seen them.